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Heading Home

Post by Guest on Mon Nov 03, 2008 6:05 pm

hey guys, i wrote this for a creative writing class and just thought i would post it for no reason.

Heading Home

The buildings sent shadows of fading daylight on the train as I exhaustedly sat me down on the tan plastic bench near the closing door in the middle of the train car. Placing my battered guitar case, which contained a gleaming Washburn acoustic guitar, in the isle near my feet, I looked around the car for other passengers while sliding a hand across my cheek in an attempt to ward off my drowsiness. The air was a bit stale now that the door was shut but I didnít really notice as I quietly said a little prayer and then watched the buildings move by faster and faster. It gave me kind of a lonely feeling to know that I would most likely be spending a long trip home by myself.

To my surprise, the wheels slowed to a stop and a dead eyed individual sauntered through the opening doors. He was much taller than me and much heavier too. Not fat, just big. Even though I could easily see he was finely dressed in a dark grey suit, I detected moral poverty behind his distinguished faÁade. No doubt he had or had yet to do a dastardly deed tonight. Although feeling small and less strong, I still offered him a polite nod and slid my guitar out of his way with my foot before he passed my section of the isle. Judging by the looks on his face, I guessed he did all of his work during the night, and that his work was less than legal or honorable. I wondered if there was blood on the hands covered by those black leather gloves. Damming the river of thoughts that came unbidden to my mind became a challenge for the next few minutes as I waited for him to debark.

After a few minutes the transit vehicle glided to a stop and the dirty glass doors folded open again admitting a stumbling, drunk old bum who brought with him the repulsive stench of alcohol and chilling sweat. His bloodshot eyes warned me of his unpredictable and deplorable state. Quietly gliding over the tracks once again, I couldnít help but listen to his crazed, unintelligible speech, feeling more disgusted with him all the time. Introspectively, I looked within my heart for the pity I knew I had for the man but was foiled in my attempt by the fingers of worn out energy that crept through my mind. Worried with my lack of feeling, I asked the Lord for sympathy for the poor wasted life in front of me and then realized that but by His grace, I could be him too. Before I could think of something to do for this needy man, he passed out in fitful sleep on the bench. My disappointment with myself raged. Eventually, we came to a stop that apparently suited the old addict whereupon he made his ragged exit.

Just as the rubber sides of the doors were about to clap shut, a collage age girl managed to slip through them into the railcar, but she didnít look like she was going to college. Looking around for a spot, she quickly glanced around the room and decided on the seat some yards away from mine on the other side of the car. Intentionally not taking any interest, I watched her as she strode wearily past me, high heels clacking with woman-like precision and dark blonde hair swaying along her red waitress outfit. Perfume, foreign to me, lingered in the air with a lurking, seductive tinge as she emptily looked at her reflection in the opposite window and sighed at her slightly smudged makeup. With a face like hers though, she definitely didnít need makeup. My heart twisted as I imagined the unbecoming attention a pretty face like hers probably got from the men she saw at work. She wants a true friend. I gave her a warm smile when she looked over but her dreary eyes showed no reaction, giving in to sitting there alone.

Leaving the city lights now, I turned my fading attention to the other set of tracks beside us, which were whizzing by, seeming to slice through the thickening fog around the car like two parallel knives cleaned for a surgery. Without a doubt, my wife was still lingering by the phone, waiting patiently to hear my voice before going to sleep. Too bad my cell phone was stolen the other day and I had no money for a phone call. Desire pitted itself against despair and did battle in my chest as I dreamt of her smooth warm touch smile and eyes. Pained, with poison surging through me, my lonely heart sighed deeper than the black restless water undulating under the bridge this lonely train was crossing with each clack of the tracks. My head fell to the side and I left this conscious world. Suddenly, invisible arms wrapped themselves around me in a sweet, warm embrace and I felt life enter my aching limbs like a resurrection. Somehow, the tiredness remained, but the sorrow and guilt were assimilated. The air glowed with a holy, ethereal light as my King appeared to me dressed in white attire. His noble and just face radiated compassion and strength while His eyes told me that all was under His control and that my reward was great. The anguish of affliction in this life is just momentary, fleeting. Eternity, the goal and prize, is only the beginning of my inheritance. Suddenly, I awoke from my dream with a life-given gasp, joy dripping and jaw dropping because of the overflowing peace in my heart. Contentedly, on into the night I watched the world slide past as the train traversed its way from darkness to dawn.

The End
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Re: Heading Home

Post by Guest on Mon Nov 03, 2008 7:07 pm

Wow John! that was good! so i just thought i'd give you two ethusiastic thumbs up for great discription! I really enjoyed it but was wondering where the man was going home from. i thought about a concert but then it sort of sounded like he didn't just get off from a show.
But otherwise, GOOD JOB!

-sArAh
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Re: Heading Home

Post by Crystal Rose C. on Mon Nov 03, 2008 7:25 pm

Yeah I think it was good! I agree with Sarah I about the where he was coming from. But other wise really good!
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Re: Heading Home

Post by Clareesa on Tue Nov 04, 2008 6:24 pm

Cool! That's awesome! Great Job! fat

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Re: Heading Home

Post by Guest on Tue Nov 04, 2008 6:49 pm

That was good, John! Awesome message!
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Re: Heading Home

Post by Guest on Tue Nov 04, 2008 6:53 pm

well done
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Re: Heading Home

Post by Guest on Tue Nov 04, 2008 9:27 pm

thanks guys! I'm not much of a story writer so i posted this for a review before turning it in at class.... I'll revise the begining to make it more clear....

glad ya'll liked it!

Peace:

JMY sunny
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Re: Heading Home

Post by Abigail G. on Mon Dec 01, 2008 4:26 am

john youngs wrote: I'm not much of a story writer

John, you can't say that! Your descriptions were astounding and I could actually relate to the main character. I suppose I'm not an expert at judging literature, but I say you should seriously take up writing!

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Re: Heading Home

Post by Guest on Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:57 pm

U did a very good job!
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Re: Heading Home

Post by Guest on Tue Dec 02, 2008 2:42 am

well thanks! I actually enjoy writing a lot when i get an idea that i really like. That one kinda came from the music I've been listining to. I took a writing class for like 3 years so I got to practice a lot and now and then I just have to let my inner writer out... but it takes time to get a good idea... and time i dont have.

haha.. glad you all liked it! Maybe I'll post something new sometime.
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Re: Heading Home

Post by Crystal Rose C. on Tue Dec 02, 2008 11:52 am

Yeah I understand I have to really get into what I'm writing for it to be any good.
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Crystal Rose C.

Female Number of posts : 569
Age : 24
Location : Right where God put me! On earth! Can you say that? "E-A-R-T-H"
Hobbies : singing! thats like all I do all day! Oh and I ride my bike....oh and I sing too! HAHA!
Humor : Why did the chicken jump on a BQ? ....He wanted fried chicken!
Nickname : "Hey you!"
"Tom Boy!"
"Coco-lakie"



Status: : Filling out my status on teens4god! DUH! HAHA!
Favorite Scripture Verse? : Prob 31

The whole thing!
Registration date : 2008-07-02

View user profile http://areyougoodingodseyes.blogspot.com/

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Re: Heading Home

Post by Abigail G. on Tue Dec 02, 2008 2:03 pm

I do have one question - what was the big idea of the story, the concept or lesson you wanted to get across? I guess I kind of missed that...

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I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end, even when the sky is falling, I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new, that's what faith can do.
avatar
Abigail G.

Female Number of posts : 468
Age : 25
Location : In the land of weird.
Hobbies : E-mail, songwriting, guitar, making cards
Humor : Small sign I saw posted on a street light pole: 'MEET LOCAL SINGLES!!! Easy: stand near others, turn off your cell phone.'
Nickname : Abigaily, Person, Abicus
Status: : I hate bugs.
Favorite Scripture Verse? : Psalm 52:9 "I will thank you forever, for you have done it. I will wait for your name, for it is good, in the presence of the godly."
Registration date : 2008-07-10

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