The Gift Of Life

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The Gift Of Life

Post by Clareesa on Fri Sep 26, 2008 7:17 pm

Here's a short story I wrote for a contest...
Thank you Anna P, for helping me edit it! It helped a lot! Smile


The Gift Of Life

A chilly breeze blew Jacey's almond brown hair around her rosy cheeks. She gazed across the rippling ocean into the setting sun. Why did you have to go Garret? How could you leave me? She felt something hot dripping down her face, tears.
Jacey shut her eyes and envisioned Garret; His sky blue eyes and bright smile. Then a terrible image entered her mind. Garret walking down the deserted street, clutching a grocery list in his hand. A shot rang out, Garret crumpled to the ground. Blood dripped from his head.
Jacey snapped her head up and opened her eyes. No, she would not mourn over the past. Nothing would bring Garret back. Not even love itself.
"You must bring him back." Jacey spun around. All she saw was sand, sand stretching as far as her eyes could see. Again, she heard the deep voice. "You must bring him back Jacey."
The sand around Jacey began to rise. It swirled around her, causing her to gasp for breath. Then, all stopped. Jacey wiped the sand from her eyes. Before her stood a man, his face glowed like the sun. He wore a long white robe. "Jacey, you must bring your brother back."
"Bu--but how can I do that?"
"You will be given one day to find the perfect gift of love for your brother. When the gift is right, you will know,"
The man dissolved into the wind. Again, sand began to swirl around her. This time, she felt she would pass out. The sand stopped as suddenly as it had begun.
Jacey opened her eyes. She was no longer standing on the beach. She was in her room. And sitting on her bed was Garret! She had gone back in time a day!
Garret was talking. "Does it make sense now Jace?"
"Huh?" Jacey looked at her math book in Garret's hands. "Oh! Yeah, it makes perfect sense,"
"Good. I've gotta go do some of my own studying. Just holler if you need any more help,"
"Uh, yeah," Jacey silently watched Garret walk out the door. What gift could she give him to show she loved him? And how would that save him? Jacey grabbed her wallet off her desk, then counted the bills in her hand.
It was enough to buy something small. Jacey ran outside and jumped on her bike. She arrived at the town gift shop in a few minutes.
She walked up and down the rows of stuff. Nothing seemed right. Then she spotted watch under the check-out counter. Garret needed a watch. Jacey asked the clerk to show her the watch. On the side was in scripted, "Big Brother". It was perfect! Jacey quickly paid and rushed home.
She burst into her Garret's room, smiling broadly. Garret jumped. "Here Garret, I got this for you." Jacey held the watch towards him.
Garret looked surprised. "Thanks sis," He clicked the watch onto his wrist.
Jacey's heart sunk. The man said she would know when the gift was right. Something told her this wasn't the right gift.
The remainder of the day Jacey spent doing things for her brother. Cleaning his room, making him a special desert after dinner and doing the dishes for him.
The day ended all too quickly. Jacey cried herself to sleep. What if there was nothing good enough to give her brother?
The next day was Saturday. Jacey woke early, and made her brother a heart-shaped card. She wrote on the front: I Love You Bro!
Despite everything she did for Garret, she knew she hadn't given the right gift.
The morning came and went.
It was two o' clock. Jacey saw Garret putting his jacket on and rushed over.
"Garret! Uh...can't you please stay home?"
Garret glanced up at her. "Mom needs these grocery’s. I have to go,"
"Can't you get them tomorrow? Or have Dad get them on his way from work?"
"Jace! No! I have to go. You've been acting weird this whole day, and yesterday. Is something wrong?"
"Wrong? No...I just...I love you,"
"Uh huh. I've gotta get going Jace. I'll be back soon,"
"Let me go with you!"
"Go with me? If you really want to go...I don't care,"
Jacey quickly slipped into her shoes and followed Garret out the door.
Her stomach tightened as they reached King St. There was nothing else she could do!
Garret didn't seem to notice the tears falling down Jacey's face. "Hey! Look at that! Someone dropped a wallet!"
Garret stooped down to pick it up. Jacey saw something move out of the corner of her eye. No!
Time froze. Jacey saw the figure in black. His gun in his hand, ready to aim and shoot.
The man at the beach appeared before her.
"I tried everything! I gave him every gift I could!" she yelled angrily at him.
The man glanced over at the frozen image of Garret, still bending to pick up the wallet. "Everything?"
"Yes!" Jacey's felt her face turning red. "I spent all my money on him! I cleaned his room! I did everything possible!"
Again, the man repeated. "Everything?"
Jacey stopped. "You mean..." She tried to swallow a lump that was forming itself in her throat.
The man nodded silently. His eyes filled with sorrow. Then he disappeared.
Time began again. The black figure pointed his gun toward Garret.
Jacey didn't have time to speak. But she knew what she was doing. And she knew this was the only gift she could give her brother now.
She rushed forward and shoved her brother out of the way. She felt the bullet penetrate her side.
Her body hit the gravel street and all went black.
Something was beeping. Someone was talking. Jacey awoke. A sharp pain shot up her side. She opened her eyes. She was lying on a hospital bed. "Garret?"
"Yes, Jace. I'm here. Mom and Dad are too. But just rest, everything's gonna be all right,"
Jacey closed her eyes and smiled. Yes, everything was going to be alright. Something inside told her it was.


The End



Very Happy

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Clareesa
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Re: The Gift Of Life

Post by Guest on Fri Sep 26, 2008 10:53 pm

Wow! I love it. It's very touching. Did you win the contest?
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Re: The Gift Of Life

Post by Clareesa on Fri Sep 26, 2008 11:55 pm

Thanks! Very Happy
well...I haven't entered it in the contest yet! lol Smile

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Clareesa
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Female Number of posts : 961
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Nickname : Fred, Clari, Catch-light Clari, Reeces-Pieces, Kee-kee, Pretty Much Everything Else, Creesa, Punk(don't ask),
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Favorite Scripture Verse? : Psalm 62:5, 'Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.'
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Re: The Gift Of Life

Post by Guest on Sat Sep 27, 2008 2:14 am

I read it and liked it. But surprisingly, it didn't end up to what i thought of it being. I thought for sure that Garret wasn't a Christian and Jacey was suppose to tell him of the good news. oh welly.!
good job!
AKA, you deserve a gold star! *wink*
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Re: The Gift Of Life

Post by Clareesa on Sat Sep 27, 2008 11:56 am

Really? Well...that would be cool...but the thing is...this has to be 1,000 words or less...and I had a really hard time getting it that short! lol Cause I'm not the short-story type person! Smile
But that's a good idea Sarah! I think I'm am gonna write another story and use that! Very Happy

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Clareesa
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Female Number of posts : 961
Age : 24
Location : Wherever God puts me
Hobbies : Doing what God wants me to
Humor :
Nickname : Fred, Clari, Catch-light Clari, Reeces-Pieces, Kee-kee, Pretty Much Everything Else, Creesa, Punk(don't ask),
Status: :
Favorite Scripture Verse? : Psalm 62:5, 'Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.'
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Re: The Gift Of Life

Post by Guest on Sun Sep 28, 2008 1:52 am

OH! okay i was gonna say, it really seemed rushed a little bit. Cause things happened really fast. Next time, doing a 1000 word contest, you might wanna choose a different story that only could last a 1000 words. I mean it was great and awesome but a little too much rushing. I know how you feel. i WAS going to jsut write a short-story book but my first "short" story turned out to be 12 pages long....I wanted ALL my points to be brought out, ALL the importants things.
So a word of wisdom, when writing short stories, ya might wanna level the story line down a bit. Just because so the reader isn't being filled with soo many things in only 1000-words and is overwelmed.
other than that, it twas aweosome!
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Re: The Gift Of Life

Post by Clareesa on Sun Sep 28, 2008 10:19 am

thanks
Yeah, i might try and do that.....
(but next time I enter a contest it'll be 10,000 words! Razz )lol

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Clareesa
Admin

Female Number of posts : 961
Age : 24
Location : Wherever God puts me
Hobbies : Doing what God wants me to
Humor :
Nickname : Fred, Clari, Catch-light Clari, Reeces-Pieces, Kee-kee, Pretty Much Everything Else, Creesa, Punk(don't ask),
Status: :
Favorite Scripture Verse? : Psalm 62:5, 'Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.'
Registration date : 2008-06-16

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Re: The Gift Of Life

Post by Amy I. on Mon Sep 29, 2008 3:55 pm

Here are a few suggestions that you may or may not use...

The Gift Of Life

A chilly breeze blew Jacey's almond brown hair around her rosy cheeks. She gazed across the rippling ocean into the setting sun. Why did you have to go Garret? How could you leave me? She felt something hot dripping down her face, tears. (maybe 'she felt hot tears slide down her face' or something. It doesn't matter too much though)
Jacey shut her eyes and envisioned Garret; His sky blue eyes and bright smile. Then a terrible image entered her mind. Garret walking down the deserted street, clutching a grocery list in his hand. A shot rang out,(.) Garret crumpled to the ground. Blood dripped from his head. (this is the second time you have 'drip'. Maybe poured or something would be better, especially since it's a bullet wound we're talking about, not a paper cut Very Happy )
Jacey snapped her head up and opened her eyes. No, she would not mourn over the past. Nothing would bring Garret back. Not even love itself.
"You must bring him back."
(new paragraph) Jacey spun around. All she saw was sand, sand stretching as far as her eyes could see. Again, she heard the deep voice. (this is the first time we know that it's a deep voice, not Jacey talking)
(new paragraph again) "You must bring him back Jacey."
The sand around Jacey began to rise. It swirled around her, causing her to gasp for breath. Then, all (maybe 'everything?') stopped. Jacey wiped the sand from her eyes. Before her stood a man,(.) his face glowed like the sun. He wore a long white robe.
(paragraph) "Jacey, you must bring your brother back."
"Bu--but how can I do that?"
"You will be given one day to find the perfect gift of love for your brother. When the gift is right, you will know,"
The man dissolved into the wind. Again, sand began to swirl around her. This time, she felt she would pass out. The sand stopped as suddenly as it had begun.
Jacey opened her eyes. She was no longer standing on the beach. She was in her room. And sitting on her bed was Garret! She had gone back in time a day!
Garret was talking. "Does it make sense now Jace?"
"Huh?" Jacey looked at her math book in Garret's hands. "Oh! Yeah, it makes perfect sense,"
"Good. I've gotta go do some of my own studying. Just holler if you need any more help,"
"Uh, yeah," Jacey silently watched Garret walk out the door. What gift could she give him to show she loved him? And how would that save him? Jacey grabbed her wallet off her desk, then counted the bills in her hand. (maybe say how much it is)
It was enough to buy something small. Jacey ran outside and jumped on her bike. She arrived at the town gift shop in a few minutes. (maybe 'a few minutes later'?)
She walked up and down the rows of stuff. Nothing seemed right. Then she spotted (the? a?) watch under the check-out counter. Garret needed a watch. Jacey asked the clerk to show her the watch. On the side was in scripted, (inscripted) "Big Brother". It was perfect! Jacey quickly paid and rushed home.
She burst into her Garret's room, smiling broadly. Garret jumped. "Here Garret, I got this for you." Jacey held the watch towards him.
Garret looked surprised. "Thanks sis," He clicked the watch onto his wrist.
Jacey's heart sunk. The man said she would know when the gift was right. Something told her this wasn't the right gift.
The remainder of the day Jacey spent doing things for her brother. Cleaning his room, making him a special desert after dinner and doing the dishes for him.
The day ended all too quickly. Jacey cried herself to sleep. What if there was nothing good enough to give her brother?
The next day was Saturday. Jacey woke early, and made her brother a heart-shaped card. She wrote on the front: I Love You Bro!
Despite everything she did for Garret, she knew she hadn't given the right gift.
The morning came and went.
It was two o' clock. Jacey saw Garret putting his jacket on and rushed over.
"Garret! Uh...can't you please stay home?"
Garret glanced up at her. "Mom needs these grocery’s. I have to go,"
"Can't you get them tomorrow? Or have Dad get them on his way from work?"
"Jace! No! I have to go. You've been acting weird this whole day, and yesterday. Is something wrong?"
"Wrong? No...I just...I love you,"
"Uh huh. I've gotta get going Jace. I'll be back soon,"
"Let me go with you!"
"Go with me? If you really want to go...I don't care,"
Jacey quickly slipped into her shoes and followed Garret out the door.
Her stomach tightened as they reached King St. There was nothing else she could do!
Garret didn't seem to notice the tears falling down Jacey's face. "Hey! Look at that! Someone dropped a wallet!"
Garret stooped down to pick it up. Jacey saw something move out of the corner of her eye. No!
Time froze. Jacey saw the (maybe 'a' instead of 'the') figure in black. His gun in his hand, ready to aim and shoot.
The man at the beach appeared before her.
"I tried everything! I gave him every gift I could!" she yelled angrily at him.
The man glanced over at the frozen image of Garret, still bending to pick up the wallet. "Everything?"
"Yes!" Jacey's felt her face turning red. "I spent all my money on him! I cleaned his room! I did everything possible!"
Again, the man repeated. "Everything?"
Jacey stopped. "You mean..." She tried to swallow a lump that was forming itself in her throat.
The man nodded silently. His eyes filled with sorrow. Then he disappeared.
Time began again. The black figure pointed his gun toward Garret.
Jacey didn't have time to speak. But she knew what she was doing. And she knew this was the only gift she could give her brother now.
She rushed forward and shoved her brother out of the way. She felt the bullet penetrate her side.
Her body hit the gravel street and all went black.
Something was beeping. Someone was talking. Jacey awoke. A sharp pain shot up her side. She opened her eyes. She was lying on a hospital bed. "Garret?"
"Yes, Jace. I'm here. Mom and Dad are too. But just rest, (.) everything's gonna be all right,"
Jacey closed her eyes and smiled. Yes, everything was going to be alright. Something inside told her it was.


The End
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Re: The Gift Of Life

Post by Clareesa on Mon Sep 29, 2008 10:01 pm

Thanks Amy! It helps a LOT! Very Happy

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avatar
Clareesa
Admin

Female Number of posts : 961
Age : 24
Location : Wherever God puts me
Hobbies : Doing what God wants me to
Humor :
Nickname : Fred, Clari, Catch-light Clari, Reeces-Pieces, Kee-kee, Pretty Much Everything Else, Creesa, Punk(don't ask),
Status: :
Favorite Scripture Verse? : Psalm 62:5, 'Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.'
Registration date : 2008-06-16

View user profile http://wix.com/clarinoel/clarinoel

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Re: The Gift Of Life

Post by Amy I. on Tue Sep 30, 2008 12:15 pm

Anytime!
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Amy I.

Female Number of posts : 305
Age : 24
Hobbies : Basketball, Soccer, running, Violin, PYP, petting cats, kicking dogs, reading, writing, beating Sonia at arm-wrestling :)
Humor : German? I don't know that word. We don't use that word in America.
Nickname : Para-Amy (long story)
Favorite Scripture Verse? : Oh man, there are so many...
Registration date : 2008-06-17

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